Hello supporters, I would like to apologize for not updating my blog in about two weeks but I have had a lot of stuff going on. So where to begin, I've only lost 3 lbs since the last blog I wrote. It pisses me off and I get frustrated because I can be doing so much better. The effort hasn't been there, what I thank god for, is that I haven't gained any weight, so I'm maintaining pretty well, at least I think so. So Let's see the week before last I weighed myself and I didnt lose any weight but I didnt gain any either. It was a bitter sweet feeling. I found myself discouraged for a quick second. I binge ate, everytime I say this it makes me so angry at myself. I caught myself though, and stopped eating. I got up and left my house. After my walk and some time to think I got back on track. I've had a lot on my plate lately, and no I'm not talking about food. I had 3 midterms and now I have 1 oral report, a 7 page analytical paper, and 3 research assignments all due within the next 3 weeks. So I've spent a great deal of my time studying and doing research for these assignments. And the 3 day-long drinking binges for the last 3 weekends definitely didn't help my cause. I've pretty much just been watching what I eat and also at what time I eat. I've been drinking a lot of water and trying to stay busy. This week I began walking. I have some walking buddies, so its pretty fun, in about 2 weeks we'll start running. Last week I weighed myself and lost 2 more lbs and this week 1 lb, but I want to see more of a difference, and I want to do it naturally, so that I don't have to go through this again.
Reflection
On a more personal note, my mind is still there, I know I'm overweight and I haven't given up, just things of life that have taken precedence over others. My mind is clear and I have my goal in mind along with others I wish to accomplish as well. I am starting to live my life as I should've a long time ago, and the way I'm doing that is by taking the focus off of everyone else and placing it on myself. It feels good to do stuff that are benefiting me at the end of the day. I'm learning that if I'm not completely happy with whats going on with me, I have no business trying to help others with whats going on with them. And quite honestly, I'm kind of tired of caring. I am an adult and when it hits you, that you're an adult, you realize that there is really no time to waste. So much starts happening, and you have to worry about how you're going to deal with and overcome each one. So I think my best bet is to take care of myself, can't go wrong their because who comes out winning? On another note I got a job at Macy's as an assistant to the supervisor. I'm pretty siked. Well supporters I hope you continue to follow me on my very long journey, and I promise I'm not going to go missing again.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Peace and Progress
So I haven't blogged in about a week but it's because so much has been going on. I finally have time to sit down and report my progress to my followers, who I would like to thank for your support. So last Tuesday October 5th I weighed myself, drumrole please.......... and I lost...............8lbs!!!!! Yay I know, progress. I had an awesome week with friends and family once again. This weekend kind of reminded me that staying quiet or being shut is not always a bad thing. Sometimes your the bigger person, or you're better off just staying shut and taking everything with a grain of salt. I think life is a lot less complicated when you just chill, and aren't defensive about everything. Sometimes the battle that you think you're fighting is not with everyone else but with yourself. I went to the city and spent an amazing weekend with my oldest niece Ashley and her friends from UMASS Amherst, it was really nice. I haven't done that much walking in such a long time. I wieghed myself today again, and I lost 3 lbs this week. So in total I have lost 13lbs. If you've read my blogs you know that my goal is to lose 12-13 lbs a month and for this month I actually did an ok job. As for Insanity, I didn't continue doing it because I am physically unfit and need to get into some type of shape before I attempt to do it again. I've been completely stressed with school work and some other rsponsibilities and roles that I play. But I have managed to make the best out of it, and follow my eating plan as closely as I can. There isn't much else to say but thank you, and keep following me. Until next time.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Family, friends and food.
So for the most part I am completely proud of myself, I have changed my eating habits. I am starting to get used to eating less. But it happened, after a day filled with laughter my evening didn't end so well, and I binge ate yesterday!!!!! UGHHHH!!!!!!! FRUSTRATION!!!!! I was doing so well and managed to take a step backward instead of forward. There's no excuses, but I won't beat myself up over it because then I'll just continue to screw up. I had a setback but now I'm moving forward. I won't let this deter me. For the most part I had a great weekend with family and friends. I am able to say that this weekend I managed to experience the true meaning of family. From the moment the weekend started to the moment it finished.
Family and Friends
In this portion of my blog I want to talk about family and friends. Not just any family and friends, my amily and friends, my support group. My number one supporter, who hasn't had the pleasure of reading my blogs because she doesn't know how to work a computer yet, is my mother. The inspiration, motivation and encouragement she instills in me is the push that allows me to continue with anything I ever set out to do. She supports me in all my decisions whether she agrees with them or not, and her love is unconditional. So thank you Mom, te quiero mucho. My beautiful big sister, she is definitely my motivation, and she is always supportive of me. Especially on my decision to take this journey. To my sister, you are awesome and I thank god I have someone like you supporting me. My brother Steven although I'm not sure he's read my blog, he has always supported any of my weightloss endeavors and I love him for that. He showed me that anything is possible as long as you work for it. To my cousin Jackie congratulations on your weightloss and yes we must support each other through our journey. Thank you for the support and you definitely have mine. And I want to thank the people who have actually been going through my journey with me on a daily basis. They see my struggles, and try to help by being there and letting me know that it is possible to achieve my goal if my heads in the right place, my chapter brothers are awesome, specifically my LB's Josh and Andrew. Thank you guys for your encouragement and support. And to Jessica thank you for being supportive, I greatly appreciate it. Everyone else who has read my blog, thank you for being a part of my journey.
Family and Friends
In this portion of my blog I want to talk about family and friends. Not just any family and friends, my amily and friends, my support group. My number one supporter, who hasn't had the pleasure of reading my blogs because she doesn't know how to work a computer yet, is my mother. The inspiration, motivation and encouragement she instills in me is the push that allows me to continue with anything I ever set out to do. She supports me in all my decisions whether she agrees with them or not, and her love is unconditional. So thank you Mom, te quiero mucho. My beautiful big sister, she is definitely my motivation, and she is always supportive of me. Especially on my decision to take this journey. To my sister, you are awesome and I thank god I have someone like you supporting me. My brother Steven although I'm not sure he's read my blog, he has always supported any of my weightloss endeavors and I love him for that. He showed me that anything is possible as long as you work for it. To my cousin Jackie congratulations on your weightloss and yes we must support each other through our journey. Thank you for the support and you definitely have mine. And I want to thank the people who have actually been going through my journey with me on a daily basis. They see my struggles, and try to help by being there and letting me know that it is possible to achieve my goal if my heads in the right place, my chapter brothers are awesome, specifically my LB's Josh and Andrew. Thank you guys for your encouragement and support. And to Jessica thank you for being supportive, I greatly appreciate it. Everyone else who has read my blog, thank you for being a part of my journey.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Harder than I thought but going strong!
So after my last post, I visited the health center and began my journey. Since food is like my drug I began lessening my portions. Monday I went back to the Health center and managed to lose 2 lbs inna week, and honestly I didn't put much effort into it, I just stopped eating after 7pm and drank more water. Yesterday I began the Beachbody Insanity workout. I tell you it definitely wasn't easy and it shows you how out of shape you are. I started off well for like the first 2 minutes, then the heavy breathing began, I felt like a 800 lb woman was sitting on my chest. And that was just the warm-up. Then Sean T. (Insanity video) continues to tell you "Push, Push, work harder, let's go," I'm like any harder and imma go into cardiac arrest. That had to be the most workout I've done in like 2 months. But It does feel good to be conscious of what you're putting in your body, and staying active. I feel motivated and what continues to motivate me is all the old pictures of when I wasn't as big. And all the clothes that are gonna fit me again as I lose the weight. Today was a successful day, I got a lot accomplished and managed to have my 5 meals without being off schedule.WOOHOO!! It was so tempting though, especially when I drank my coffee with no dessert. Only had carbs once today, mainly ate protein and salad. Not fun, and as I sit here writing this I'm so freakin hungry!!! It's taking me a lot not to tear up my refrigerator, and devour every single thing inside and around it. LMAOO, it sounds funny but its so true. Besides that, I'm extremely tired, my body is in literal shock it hurts to even fart. I caught a cramp in my arm while I was writing this, and I'm dead serious. I worked hard and did my best to follow the workout but I have a long road ahead of me, even though I refuse to lose sight of my goal.
Reflection:
So Imma dreamer like everyone else, but I like to call them visions. I know that if you believe you can do something, you will do everything in your power to accomplish that goal. "Querer es Poder." I want to do this so bad, that I am going to do it. I've noticed that at times people are not as supportive as they come off to be, they say one thing, but their actions show you another. The people you expect to support you will be the first to put you down or try and deter you from your goal. But not this time, God is on my side, and as long as I have him, strength, determination and a vision Imma make it. I won't think of how far my journey will be, I will take it a day at a time, and thats what will get me through. I sat down to write today and I asked myself three questions: I said "Ayaguna (My fraternal name) why is it that you're really trying to go back down to 200 lbs?" Then I asked "What do you expect at the end of all of this after you lose the 200 lbs?" and my last question "Can you stand to look in the mirror, or pass your reflection without looking self consciously or in discust, and can you continue to hear the "Your gaining weight" comments, the fat jokes, the scoldings, and the embarassments?" I didn't answer myself because I heard a Psychology major say that means you're crazy, but I feel as though actions speak louder than words, as cliche as it may sound, its the truth. So from this moment on I shall only speak through actions. Thanks for listening and feel free to comment!!!!! Hasta luego!!!!!
Reflection:
So Imma dreamer like everyone else, but I like to call them visions. I know that if you believe you can do something, you will do everything in your power to accomplish that goal. "Querer es Poder." I want to do this so bad, that I am going to do it. I've noticed that at times people are not as supportive as they come off to be, they say one thing, but their actions show you another. The people you expect to support you will be the first to put you down or try and deter you from your goal. But not this time, God is on my side, and as long as I have him, strength, determination and a vision Imma make it. I won't think of how far my journey will be, I will take it a day at a time, and thats what will get me through. I sat down to write today and I asked myself three questions: I said "Ayaguna (My fraternal name) why is it that you're really trying to go back down to 200 lbs?" Then I asked "What do you expect at the end of all of this after you lose the 200 lbs?" and my last question "Can you stand to look in the mirror, or pass your reflection without looking self consciously or in discust, and can you continue to hear the "Your gaining weight" comments, the fat jokes, the scoldings, and the embarassments?" I didn't answer myself because I heard a Psychology major say that means you're crazy, but I feel as though actions speak louder than words, as cliche as it may sound, its the truth. So from this moment on I shall only speak through actions. Thanks for listening and feel free to comment!!!!! Hasta luego!!!!!
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Beginning of the New:Excavation
So I spent the night after posting my 1st blog, brainstorming, listening to the advice some people gave me and trying to construct this weightloss journey. And then I got a bit discouraged, "will I really be able to do it?" And then it hit me, "I have a whole year to do this." Thats an average of about 12-13lbs a month. So I'm going to do what everyone I know and my doctor has been tellin me for the last 11 years of my life. Exercise and eat less, sounds easy, but I know its not because I was actually successful at losing 89 lbs. So I've constructed a meal plan where I'm going to take in about 1500-1800 calories daily and workout once a day. Eventually I'm going to bump it up to twice a day. You might be saying "he means a diet," but I'm substituting the word diet, with a "meal plan" because think about it, doesn't the word "diet" kind of suck? I think of me dying of starvation when I hear the word diet. I mean it has the word "die" in it, so go figure. I have an appointment at the health center tomorrow to find out my starting weight and consult with the doctor, if you didn't know you should always consult with a physician before you start any kind of diet and/or workout plan. So my journey has begun. Today wasn't a bad day, but I did two things you should never do while trying to lose weight. I overslept and only had 2 meals, breakfast not one of them. It's better to eat more frequent in smaller portions. 5-6 small meals are recommended. My brother always tells me "Its not just changing the way you eat or exercising. Its a complete life transformation, you have to change everything, because whatever you're doing is obviously not working." And this is true, you can't expect to continue the same habits and see a change. But before you can do that you need to sit down and find out what exactly is the root to your problem, so that you can actually solve the problem. I sat down with a pen and paper, and wrote and wrote and then realized I didn't need to write to realize the truth. I just had to stop lying to myself.
Why am I overweight?
I don't like excuses so I'm going to keep it real. Honestly, I like to eat! I mean I am Latino and we all know that sometimes our moms, abuelitas, tias, sisters and wives equate feeding you with loving you. And I enjoy a nice plate of arroz con habichuelas y bistec. But there's a limit, and at times I don't know mine. No, is not my favorite word. And sometimes eating is better than dealing with the BS that goes on around me. But nevertheless I'm only killing myself. Trust me it's a hard pill to swallow, but it's time to take my medication. When it comes to exercise, I'm not lazy, just inconsistent. So prioritization is the first lesson I need to learn on my journey. So now on to the next step,change!
Reflection
I'm nervous, worried I'll be unsuccessful just like every other time, but thats why I made this so that I can have support and share my journey with everyone. It'll make my journey a lot more easier, and fun. I know I can do this, I just can't give up this time, quitting is not an option.
Why am I overweight?
I don't like excuses so I'm going to keep it real. Honestly, I like to eat! I mean I am Latino and we all know that sometimes our moms, abuelitas, tias, sisters and wives equate feeding you with loving you. And I enjoy a nice plate of arroz con habichuelas y bistec. But there's a limit, and at times I don't know mine. No, is not my favorite word. And sometimes eating is better than dealing with the BS that goes on around me. But nevertheless I'm only killing myself. Trust me it's a hard pill to swallow, but it's time to take my medication. When it comes to exercise, I'm not lazy, just inconsistent. So prioritization is the first lesson I need to learn on my journey. So now on to the next step,change!
Reflection
I'm nervous, worried I'll be unsuccessful just like every other time, but thats why I made this so that I can have support and share my journey with everyone. It'll make my journey a lot more easier, and fun. I know I can do this, I just can't give up this time, quitting is not an option.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
A long way to go!
Me: Hey mom does it look like I've lost weight?
Mom: Not from the last time you asked me about 3 days ago
Me: I need to do something quick, the winter is coming and none of my jeans fit me.
Mom: Well I told you to stop eating at night, you don't eat during the day but then you wanna make up for it at night
Me: Yes mom, you're right
Later that day I went to the bodega (corner store) and here comes pedro the Old man the whole neighborhood knows and he screams out in his raspy, obnoxious, hickish tone, "Oye Muchacho tu estas GORDISIMO te puedes morir." (Listen guy you are REALLY FAT, you can die.) So here I am faced with this old man, trying not to say anything disrespectful, or make a face. Then I just replied "Si, yo se." (Yes I know). But what I really wanted to say was"Si yo se pero que CARAJO te importa a ti, si tu a mi no me compras la comida. Y tu estas viejo y feo, yo por lo menos puedo rebajar, tu te vas a poner mas viejo, y mas feo todavia."(Yea I know but what the fuck do you care if you don't buy my food, And your old and ugly, at least I can lose weight, you're going to continue getting older and even uglier.) But my mother raised me better than that. And almost everytime I see someone who hasn't seen me in about 6 months to a year, they ask me the same question or make the same comment, "Did you gain weight?" or "You gained weight." So I thought about it, I've been successful at losing weight other times, but why wasn't I able to keep it up, and I started to think. I like people to know my progress or see how good I'm doing maintaining my weight, it motivates me. But apparently when I started to lose the weight no one really cared anymore. As soon as I started gaining it they began to notice and talk about it. So I've decided that I want to lose 150lbs so that I can be at 200lbs again, but this time imma put it out there and whoever wants to read and support me is more than welcomed to. I am giving myself exactly a year so September 20th 2011, I will have hopefully lost the weight and I would love to share that success with as many people as I can. If you have any weightloss tips or just any tips on how to reach my goal let me know. And as for you guys follow me on this journey it won't be easy and I will appreciate all the help I can get. Starting weight 352lbs.
Mom: Not from the last time you asked me about 3 days ago
Me: I need to do something quick, the winter is coming and none of my jeans fit me.
Mom: Well I told you to stop eating at night, you don't eat during the day but then you wanna make up for it at night
Me: Yes mom, you're right
Later that day I went to the bodega (corner store) and here comes pedro the Old man the whole neighborhood knows and he screams out in his raspy, obnoxious, hickish tone, "Oye Muchacho tu estas GORDISIMO te puedes morir." (Listen guy you are REALLY FAT, you can die.) So here I am faced with this old man, trying not to say anything disrespectful, or make a face. Then I just replied "Si, yo se." (Yes I know). But what I really wanted to say was"Si yo se pero que CARAJO te importa a ti, si tu a mi no me compras la comida. Y tu estas viejo y feo, yo por lo menos puedo rebajar, tu te vas a poner mas viejo, y mas feo todavia."(Yea I know but what the fuck do you care if you don't buy my food, And your old and ugly, at least I can lose weight, you're going to continue getting older and even uglier.) But my mother raised me better than that. And almost everytime I see someone who hasn't seen me in about 6 months to a year, they ask me the same question or make the same comment, "Did you gain weight?" or "You gained weight." So I thought about it, I've been successful at losing weight other times, but why wasn't I able to keep it up, and I started to think. I like people to know my progress or see how good I'm doing maintaining my weight, it motivates me. But apparently when I started to lose the weight no one really cared anymore. As soon as I started gaining it they began to notice and talk about it. So I've decided that I want to lose 150lbs so that I can be at 200lbs again, but this time imma put it out there and whoever wants to read and support me is more than welcomed to. I am giving myself exactly a year so September 20th 2011, I will have hopefully lost the weight and I would love to share that success with as many people as I can. If you have any weightloss tips or just any tips on how to reach my goal let me know. And as for you guys follow me on this journey it won't be easy and I will appreciate all the help I can get. Starting weight 352lbs.
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